In Praise of Praise
It seems obvious both grown-ups and children alike respond far better to praise than they do to criticism. Then why is it praise isn't always something that's easy for us to express? People want to be appreciated, to be accepted as valuable members of the groups with whom they work, play, or study.
There are of course different types of praise, like social compliments; “Oh, you look lovely in green” or “nobody bakes brownies like you do'. But probably the most import praise that has the longest lasting impact on our lives is praise that helps build self-esteem and character.
Many people, like teachers, parents, and employers, have a real opportunity to use this kind of praise to really elevate those in their sphere of influence. Unfortunately, many don't use praise honestly or frequently enough, or worse, say nothing at all unless something goes wrong. Like the story of a little girl who showed her mother a picture of a flower she had drawn. The mother didn't praise the child's efforts or thoughtfulness for presenting her with the drawing. Instead she said, not in an unfriendly way, "That's not what a flower really looks like, here let me show you." This kind of behavior won't encourage the little girl to attempt drawing again anytime soon.
Now here's an example of using praise instead of criticism. A father, dining at a restaurant with his family, noticed his son was eating with his elbows on the table. The father's first reaction was to say, "How many times do I have to tell you to take your elbows off the table?" Then he thought of praise instead, and said. "Thomas, I notice how carefully you are chewing with your mouth closed. It is a good example for the rest of us." Thomas looked pleased and the rest of the family was impressed, soon he also because conscious of his elbows, and without being told, lowered them from the table.
Praise, commendation, and appreciation are crucial in the development of our self-images and how we think and feel about ourselves. A good self-image not only affects a person's well-being, but it influences performance as well. Nowhere is this more important, nor can it be better illustrated, than with children. They are so sensitive, so malleable in their formative years that the influence of a few remarks one way or another can have a great effect.
It is very important to give toddlers a feeling of accomplishment, not only for something that is actually done well in their little world, but for things that are important to them, however trivial they may seem to us. When a child picks up six blocks and takes them one at a time to the other end of the room, and then reverses the process, some cheers or applause will make the child proud. Even small events like this can determine how a person will feel about himself or herself as an adult. There is much less possibility of making children egotistical by praising them than there is in causing them to lack self-confidence by not praising enough.
It is important for parents to praise children, but it is equally appropriate, and often completely overlooked that children learn to praise their parents. Children should also be taught to develop the fine art of praise. Identifying what others do well and telling them about it, appropriately, can become a skill and then a habit, first by realizing its importance and then by practicing it. Truthful, authentic, and appropriate praise can offer a fine source of encouragement. And we all need encouragement.